Where Were You When the Music Stopped? And How Drunk Were You?

A man with a whole lot more sense and experience than myself once said, “There is way too much music writing out there.” While I agree with this statement, I also think that there’s simply more music out there than is necessary. That’s where I come in. Hopefully my tasteful and entirely constructive criticism can help you find your way through the bad, the worse and the downright criminal, from CD to shining CD. Anything goes in this arena of art and audacity. If it sounds like I’m being too harsh or have a stick up my ass, I hope people will write me and tell me so. Trust me it’s the only way I’ll learn. Though I must warn you, I’m armed with years of experience and a complete disregard for what others think or feel. Just kidding. I will also be offering my take on the hot items of the day. But for now I want to hear from you.

It is now two days after St. Patrick’s Day. Many of you are still tired, perhaps still a bit hung over and kicking yourself while you throw up the last bits Guinness and corned beef. As we all aware there was an awful lot of drinking going on. The streets, pubs, living rooms, kitchens and allies of America were running black and gold with booze. Of course after awhile, vomit crept into the stream and the color then depended on what the locale had eaten for dinner. Since I don’t drink, I would love to live vicariously through you for a bit. I’ll just bet the music was blasting louder than loud last night. I’m sure the Dropkick Murphys were blaring from pillar to post. But I want to know what else you were listening to while losing your lunch.

What constitutes a good drinking song? I’ve been to beer-pong tournaments all across this great coast and I still can’t figure it out. Is the ideal anthem of inebriation jovial and upbeat? Or is it depressing and sympathetic? I happen to think it runs the emotional gamut. It could be Johnny Cash singing about a lonesome failure rotting away in Folsom, or a one-hit wonder talking about getting knocked down and getting back up again. I suppose all drinking jams are a little bittersweet. Their impact on people most likely depends on how they affect people when the booze ain’t flowin’.

They say that when you’re drunk the truth is most likely to come out. This is probably why I haven’t touched the stuff in years; I’m afraid of finding out what a shit I am and having others make the same discovery. Still I’ve heard that the right song could really intensify the journey from Drysville to Drunkstown. So I want to know if this is true. We’ve all heard the stoner stereotypes about weed and Phish and all the other shitty bands that occupy that area of musical culture. But do some songs sound better when you’re drunk? If so, which ones? My contention is that these preferences are largely contingent upon the kind of person the drinker is in their day-to-day life. The morose and conflicted drown their sorrows in the last-bullet-in-the-gun and last-shot-of-whiskey style of country music--not something I recommend by the way--and some join their friends and even their enemies in souse songs from their homeland, even though they’ve never been there. And some are just content to bump, grind and dry-hump to whatever beat gets them laid. These are my thoughts on the matter. Prove me wrong. I look forward to reading your responses and am excited for our burgeoning relationship. -DN